"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there."
1 Samuel 1:27-28
As a sat on the edge of the couch on a windy mid December morning, I could barely think as I bite what little I had left of my fingernails as my legs bounced from the nervous tapping of my feet. Staring into my cell phone waiting for a phone call that would forever change my life no matter what the outcome. Just an hour before hand I was sitting in a little room with a very sweet woman who I have come to know fondly as she took my blood in hopes that a positive pregnancy result would be the outcome. You see, at this point I was the most nervous I had ever been due to the 4 years of trying to have a baby, 2 years of fertility treatments, and 1 month after my first IVF cycle which resulted in 12 embryos. Yes, you read that right, 12!! Not to mention, a very hard and unexpected miscarriage just 5 years before. Is this the moment we have been waiting and praying for?! What happens if it didn't work? Where do we go from here? More importantly, what happens if it did...just when my mind starts to race the phone rings...
It's the moment of truth as I start to sweat and feel the urge to cry from being so overwhelmed by all the emotions and looking back on all Jason and I have endured to get to this point. A friendly, familiar voice from the doctor's office gives me a very cheery greeting after I muster out a nervous "Hello" into the cell phone that I have "the grip of death" on as my hand shakes.
"Hey Shannon! How are you?"
" Umm... very nervous. I don't know how I'm doing...you tell me?!"
Then, she said it...
" Shan, your levels look good...YOU'RE PREGNANT!!"
After ending the call, I basically threw my phone onto the couch, got to my knees and thank God for this little blessing. With tears swelling like a waterfall out of my eyes, I praised the Lord for the honor to be this little baby's mother. I remember saying to him out loud in my empty living room "Oh Jesus, no matter what happens, thank you for this baby."
Jason walked in the door later that evening to a little baby stocking hanging with mine and to me on the floor just steps away from the door with a little bag of "baby's firsts" ornaments and other small treasures. His face was priceless as he tried to hold back tears and I tried to package my words a little more eloquently than " Hey! Guess who's expecting...this girl!". After tears of joy started streaming from both our eyes we just sat and prayed, thanking God for His faithfulness, this little gift, His perseverance and strength that He had given us to get to this point.
I felt great during my pregnancy with the exception of fatigue in the first trimester and a sense of smell for miles. Haha. I never had any morning sickness, nausea or any of the many symptoms that I prepared myself for. My belly was growing and it was so precious feeling those first kicks from my little one days shy of finding out the gender and who we were going to welcome into our family. I couldn't wait to know and call my sweet little miracle by their name and feel an even deeper connection with him or her. Somehow we managed to have the ultrasound scheduled for April 1st! All I knew is this little one who at the time we affectionately called "Roo"( which was Jason's nickname as a baby so it was only fitting), better not play any crazy tricks on me today!
As I went on to tell the technician about how this child better not be thumb sucker, I didn't even finish my sentence and my little stinker hand a thumb in the mouth! Oh no I thought....this little sassy baby...has my personality! Haha! "Very feisty one we have here!" The ultrasound tech said as we both giggled. It felt good to laugh because this ultrasound had already been over and a half long and my husband was still in the waiting room just bursting to get in to find out the gender. Finally the time came for the big reveal and Jason was brought into the room with me as we gazed at our baby on the monitor squirming around. "Are you ready to know? I figured it out within 10 minutes what the gender was but remember there's always a chance we can be wrong" We both took a deep breathe and we held each others hand waiting for the words to come out of her mouth. Tears were starting to swell in our eyes as she told us "It's a GIRL!"
Jason and I were so overjoyed as we both had predicted beforehand that it was a girl. I just loved looking at him with pride and telling him "You're having a daughter...Daddy's little girl for sure". Even in the excitement Jason had to run to work for a very important meeting. Moments before he left the technician said she had to make a call to the radiologist so she stepped out of the room. When Jason finally opened the door to leave she happened to be sitting on the phone just feet away from the door. The look in her eye is a look I will always remember and can't quite put into words. I knew then...I don't know what it is...but I just had a bad feeling. It took over 2 hours for what should have been a routine hour long ultrasound. She handed me pictures of our daughter and said that if any problems arise my doctor would call me. The look in her eye told me that something wasn't right. I didn't know what to think and I certainly wasn't in panic mode, however I was definitely worried and uneasy when I left.
Two days later there I was again sitting in another doctors office. They had found an abnormality in her femurs and enlarged kidneys as well. My obstetrician had recommended I see a top doc in the area for further testing and analysis. Now I was in panic mode. I was crying off and on the whole time while driving and tried to be "brave" as I prepared to go through yet another ultrasound to then be seen by a specialist. Before I had the ultrasound and spoke with the doctor, I was in a small room with genetic counselor who was cold to say the least. She did not seem interested in addressing my nervousness as I had expected or assumed and certainly wasn't helping put me at ease with the battery of questions she was asking. Some of the questions I told her I couldn't answer due to the lack of information I had on my family history as per her inquiries. I was growing more anxious, worried, irritated and frustrated as I wanted to know what was wrong with my daughter. She then proceeded to ask me one question in particular I was not prepared for and that would change forever how I view not only the world, but human life as well...
Part 2 of Teagan's story will reveal more of the journey ( When it's published of course) Everyone loves a good cliffhanger right?! Stay tuned... :)
I felt great during my pregnancy with the exception of fatigue in the first trimester and a sense of smell for miles. Haha. I never had any morning sickness, nausea or any of the many symptoms that I prepared myself for. My belly was growing and it was so precious feeling those first kicks from my little one days shy of finding out the gender and who we were going to welcome into our family. I couldn't wait to know and call my sweet little miracle by their name and feel an even deeper connection with him or her. Somehow we managed to have the ultrasound scheduled for April 1st! All I knew is this little one who at the time we affectionately called "Roo"( which was Jason's nickname as a baby so it was only fitting), better not play any crazy tricks on me today!
As I went on to tell the technician about how this child better not be thumb sucker, I didn't even finish my sentence and my little stinker hand a thumb in the mouth! Oh no I thought....this little sassy baby...has my personality! Haha! "Very feisty one we have here!" The ultrasound tech said as we both giggled. It felt good to laugh because this ultrasound had already been over and a half long and my husband was still in the waiting room just bursting to get in to find out the gender. Finally the time came for the big reveal and Jason was brought into the room with me as we gazed at our baby on the monitor squirming around. "Are you ready to know? I figured it out within 10 minutes what the gender was but remember there's always a chance we can be wrong" We both took a deep breathe and we held each others hand waiting for the words to come out of her mouth. Tears were starting to swell in our eyes as she told us "It's a GIRL!"
Jason and I were so overjoyed as we both had predicted beforehand that it was a girl. I just loved looking at him with pride and telling him "You're having a daughter...Daddy's little girl for sure". Even in the excitement Jason had to run to work for a very important meeting. Moments before he left the technician said she had to make a call to the radiologist so she stepped out of the room. When Jason finally opened the door to leave she happened to be sitting on the phone just feet away from the door. The look in her eye is a look I will always remember and can't quite put into words. I knew then...I don't know what it is...but I just had a bad feeling. It took over 2 hours for what should have been a routine hour long ultrasound. She handed me pictures of our daughter and said that if any problems arise my doctor would call me. The look in her eye told me that something wasn't right. I didn't know what to think and I certainly wasn't in panic mode, however I was definitely worried and uneasy when I left.
Two days later there I was again sitting in another doctors office. They had found an abnormality in her femurs and enlarged kidneys as well. My obstetrician had recommended I see a top doc in the area for further testing and analysis. Now I was in panic mode. I was crying off and on the whole time while driving and tried to be "brave" as I prepared to go through yet another ultrasound to then be seen by a specialist. Before I had the ultrasound and spoke with the doctor, I was in a small room with genetic counselor who was cold to say the least. She did not seem interested in addressing my nervousness as I had expected or assumed and certainly wasn't helping put me at ease with the battery of questions she was asking. Some of the questions I told her I couldn't answer due to the lack of information I had on my family history as per her inquiries. I was growing more anxious, worried, irritated and frustrated as I wanted to know what was wrong with my daughter. She then proceeded to ask me one question in particular I was not prepared for and that would change forever how I view not only the world, but human life as well...
Part 2 of Teagan's story will reveal more of the journey ( When it's published of course) Everyone loves a good cliffhanger right?! Stay tuned... :)
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