White Winter Hat

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

  Very frequently, a gift comes to mind that we received after Teagan went to heaven. So many people have given us comfort in many forms during these hard days. It was a surreal moment when I was on the receiving end of kind words, loving arms and sweet gifts as people came to pay their respects at Teagan's funeral, or as we like to call it, "Celebration of Life" service. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I couldn't tell you every single person who showed up that day. I had just had Teagan the week before and I was in a lot of postpartum discomfort, utterly exhausted from the lack of sleep and recovering from a fever from the night before. Add to that the realization that I was burying my baby who just a week and a half before was alive and well in my womb. My mind was so foggy that day and I wish it was easier for me to recollect. Forgive me if you are one of those people that I have to be reminded about. With that said, I feel convicted share how one individual touched our hearts with a gift, that even now, I cannot believe was given to us.

  A lovely woman who I have only had the pleasure of talking to a handful of times, as she approached Jason and I started sharing her own struggles and pain. She shared with us that she too had a daughter over 20 years ago that passed away as a baby. I could see her eyes swell with tears as she tried to get the words out fast enough before her emotions took over. It was so hard for her to share about her daughter she told us, but seeing how we were doing our best to step out in faith and make our story known, she felt comforted and encouraged to share hers as well. With a dejected expression on her face, she shows us a very small white winter hat in her hands. This is one of the tiniest hats I have ever seen. It had to only have been worn by a premature baby. This creamy white ribbed hat with a little pom-pom adorning the top, was no bigger than her hand.  She proceeded to tell us she has carried this hat with her for over two decades...and wanted us to have it. She had been wanting and waiting to give it to someone for years to bring them comfort. Before I could graciously refuse to take something so special, she placed it in my hands as she let the tears fall from her eyes. She embraced us both and joined everyone who was already sitting waiting for Teagan's service to start.

  I can't help but think: "Why us?" So many years this hat has been a precious memento to remember a sweet little girl and just like that, it became ours. How hard that must have been to give something like that away. For all I know, this may be one of the only tangible items she had to remember her daughter. In my own selfishness and "mommy heart", it would take every fiber of my being to give something of Teagan's away. You would probably have to torture me in order to do it. The selflessness of this woman, who we don't know well at all, has provided such a sweet memory and a testimony of what it truly means love someone despite your own pain and sorrow.

  Soon after Teagan's service I had a chance to really look at this tiny little white hat. As I was processing the whole transaction between us, this little hat almost had a little life of its own. I thought about all the places it had been, the tears it had caught, the conversations it induced and the love it holds. How many nights was this little hat squeezed so tight by a mother longing to have her baby in her arms. It even has the smell of something that has seen its good and bad days. The roughness of the cotton showed it's age and that it had been handled frequently. This garment was not just used to keep a tiny little head warm, but provided comfort in dark places when memories are the only thing to cling to. The tiny little stains even have a tale to tell. I find it hard to believe that in over twenty years it wasn't witness to another agonizing story of loss. I'm sure there were at least a few opportunities for this hat to be passed on to someone else who could benefit from all it represents. Yet she was ready and willing to pass it along to us. I can't help but wonder if this was a freeing experience in her recovery or if it was one of the hardest things she has ever done. Part of me feels it must be a combination of both, intertwined in a sort of dance. I feel so undeserving of something so precious. This is what I call divine intervention from the One Most High, because here I am holding it. I think it is one of the most beautiful things a person can give. It makes me smile to know the little baby girl who wore this hat is in heaven with my Teagan. What a time they must be having!

  This fellow mother chose to show us comfort, encouragement and love in one of our most troubling experiences. What a noble and generous act of compassion. This is God at work!! He had His hand over this entire transaction. This was not an accident that we received this gift. I have the blessing of sharing this story to show that even in the little things, God makes Himself known. We hear often in life how we need to love others more than ourselves. That can be an arduous or uncomfortable thing to do when it doesn't coincide with our natural way of handling heavy situations. Not being accustomed to a hardship like this has the potential to not only show our gifts, but also where we struggle to come along side someone in a storm we know little about. Instead of running away or avoiding us, this sweet acquaintance poured out her heart and showered us with mercy. I hope an opportunity arises to see her in the near future and share how her act of faith and love has impacted our lives. I am in awe of the gift that has been given to us. I feel confident that many will agree with me when I say, we weren't just given a little white hat that day.

Thoughts to Ponder:

~ Has anyone ever given you a "white winter hat" during a hard time in your life? Take a moment to think about such a time. I'm sure that person(s) would love to hear how it has touched your heart and life. 

~ Is there an opportunity for you to do something like this for someone else? Whether it is a kind word, listening ears, small favor, a task that needs assistance or maybe something in the form of a small gift...don't miss out on the opportunity! You never know who may need what you have to give. When you bless someone in pure love you will be blessed in return!